So I Stayed in the Darkness with You
by TheAddict4Dramatics
Summary: "No! No, don't you dare give up! You are not going to die today." You can't die to today, he thought afterwards. Surely he would not have to witness her death twice; even he had not done anything so awful to deserve that. Doctor/River angst. Now complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **I know I'm supposed to be updating my other Doc Who Fic or my Harry Potter one but this idea just would not leave me alone! It's darker than my other Doctor Who fics and the rating will almost definitely go up next chapter as more horrible things are going to happen to River sorry! So if it's not your thing really don't read! I already have the second chapter planned for this so I will definitely update this one.

Timelines: Fairly late for River at the end of her time at Storm Cage and post Demon's Run for the Doctor.

The title is from the Florence and the Machine song 'Cosmic Love'.

Please R+R

**You Were in the Darkness Too, So I Stayed in the Darkness With You**

'_I need you.'_

The doctor studied the scrawl on the physic paper and knitted his brow together in confusion. If he was to be truly honest with himself he was disappointed, half the time when he received a message it was from River. More and more these days he found himself looking forward to their next encounter, almost longing for it. However he was pretty sure this message was not from the said archaeologist as, even in her gravest hour, she would have signed it with a kiss.

The doctor glanced toward the hidden door of the Ponds' bedroom. It was probably late at night, he never paid any particular attention to time as he spent most of his existence defying it's rules and consistencies. He decided to leave them, the last few weeks had been particularly hectic and they could do with a rest. Whatever the problem he was confident he could settle on its own whilst his companions slept, safe, in the TARDIS.

The blue police box hummed as he began to work the controls, once it had started he sat back and waited for the TARDIS to take him where he needed to go. It was something that he was still getting used to, not being in complete control of his TARDIS. Before River he would never have even contemplated the idea of relinquishing so much power, but the power had not been so much relinquished as forced from his white-knuckled hands by Professor Song.

He strode to the door as the TARDIS came to a stop, heavy and moaning with the effort as he left the breaks on, again.

On the other side of the blue door complete blackness welcomed the doctor, the air felt cold and unmoved by any breeze, he could not see a foot in front of him. Hanging just his head out of the door he called:

"Hello?"

The sound bounced off of several invisible walls and the force of the rebound almost knocked the doctor backwards. After the echoes stopped silence engulfed him once more.

"Hello?" He bellowed, louder this time. The darkness responded in the same way but still no sound except his own.

He probably should have turned around then and there, gone back to his mindless fiddling and waited for the Ponds' to gather enough energy for the next big adventure. He should have but he didn't. The TARDIS has brought him here for a reason and the physic paper had shown him the message for a reason.

The doctor closed the door of the TARDIS and locked it. Nothing could get in and more importantly nothing, Amy, could get out and create more trouble.

The ground beneath his feet was solid and hard, concrete or stone but the small glow from his sonic screwdriver was the only light and it barely illuminated even the stagnant space before his nose. He scanned whatever the hell he was in, no life forms were close.

"Great..." He muttered to himself and suddenly the screwdriver responded. The voice was very faint and had it not been for the otherwise eerie quiet the doctor would not have heard it.

"Doc... doctor..." The voice whispered.

"Erm yes, yes you've reached the Doctor. I'm the Doctor. Who are you and how are you speaking through my screwdriver?"

"Doctor..." The voice broke off into a feeble cough before continuing, he had to hold the screwdriver next to his ear but he still couldn't make out what they said but he thought it was: "Because I'm clever like that."

The doctor stopped his deliberate slow walk as a smile spread across his face.

"Doctor Song! To what do I own the pleasure? Should have known it was you as soon as I arrived here... and where is here exactly, I can't see a blood thing! Are you here somewhere?" He waited but couldn't hear anything except the sound of shallow breathing coming for the sonic screwdriver. "River, you there?"

"Yes... yes. I'm here... Not entirely sure where."

It was the first time the Doctor realised the strange tint to her voice, fair enough she was talking through a screwdriver, you can't expect the quality to be superb but even so she sounded strange.

A bolt of ice shot through every vain in his body when he realised it was fear. She sounded scared. He'd heard her sound anxious before, nervous even, usually when he was about to do something incredibly stupid but never scared.

"River what's going on?" He demanded, unable to hide the new panic alive in his body. "You sound... look what's happened? How do I find you?" Again there was no reply but he could hear the sound of breathing, from the shaky breaths it sounded as if she were crying. He had not seen her cry since their first meeting in that damned Library, which seemed so long ago now, especially as he tried desperately to forget it. The memory combined with his chilling surroundings increased his panic and he responded in the only way he knew how – anger. "River answer me!" He almost snarled, grounding out each word between his teeth. "God dam it! Why did you bring me here if you didn't want my help?" Still he remained answerless. Stamping his feet in a totally ridiculous and childish vent of frustration he yelled one final time: "River!"

Being breathless from the effort he shook with short gasping gulps of air and managed to calm down as he did, feeling more guilty as the anger temporarily subsided.

"I'm sorry, just... just hang on okay? I'm going to use the screwdriver to see if I can pick a trace or something from you. Just stay where you are."

"Okay." Came a tearful, gentle response.

The sonic screwdriver still read no life forms close to him. The doctor took a deep breath and started walking forward again with an arm raised in front on him in an attempt to stop any collisions with oncoming obstacles.

"I'm not getting anything at the moment, but I'm moving so hopefully it will pick up the signal soon. I need you to talk to me River, tell me you're alright." His voice was pleading.

If he took a moment to reflect he'd understand that this was probably the moment he realised how much River Song was beginning to mean to him. Of course he was concerned with her safety as he would be to anyone trapped down here but it was more than that. The idea that she was hurt in some way caused fear to wind around his insides like a python and choke him until it physically ached. It was how he felt every time he thought of the library which is why he didn't.

"I'm fine, I... I'm okay..." Each syllable was an obvious struggle.

"Really?"

"No I think I'm dying." River wept trying not to.

The doctor came to a standstill once more as a single tear slid down his cheek. Logically he knew this could not be true, he knew when she died, he had seen it. She couldn't die now. But time can be rewritten, not all of it but some of it. As he started walking again his pace was much quicker now regardless of anything the bitch black may hold as he strode through it. The screwdriver scanner remained quiet next to his ear.

"You're not going to die. Okay, listen to me. You called and I came just like I always do, can't bloody help myself can I? So I'm going to get you out of yet another scrape and you're going to swoon over how cool and heroic and handsome I am. Do you hear me?"

"Yes..." She attempted to laugh but it was reduced to another cough.

"River what happened? Why are you here?"

"Just another day... day... you know... Storm Cage... "

"Storm Cage," The doctor interrupted, not wanting to tire her any more than necessary but needing to know exactly what happened. "You're still in Storm Cage and doing another mission for them, yes?"

"Yes..." She breathed.

"Well surely they didn't let you out by yourself? Where's you guardian?" When there was no reply he continued: "River, come on, stay with me!" After a few moments the screwdriver spoke again:

"Dead... he's dead..."

"I know this hard and you're probably really tired right now but I need to know what happened? How are you hurt exactly?"

"I... I don't know... _exactly_... I can't... I... remember. I can't remember." He could hear the alarm rise in her voice.

"It's okay, it's okay. Shhh." The doctor soothed. "Just tell me what you do remember."

"I... we came down here... it was supposed to be abandoned... abandoned and valuable. They wouldn't tell me what but... they... they needed to find... something... find something down here and they needed me for... something. But..." River was gasping now, each precious breath harder to obtain than the last.

"It wasn't abandoned." The doctor finished quietly.

"No... no... it killed them and shot or stabbed me... my stomach, I don't know... all the lights went out and I woke up and I can feel blood everywhere... and it hurts, everything hurts."

"It? What it? What did this?"

"I don't know."

"Okay, it's okay, it's all going to be okay." He spoke to himself just as much to her. "I just need to think... think of how I can find you. The TARDIS sent me here, directly here so you must be close. Can you remember anything before the lights went out, the layout, anyway I would know where you are or you'd know where I am?"

"They're just tunnels... they're just endless, empty tunnels..."

"Only they're not empty."

The doctor stopped and literally started pulling at his hair in despair, he spun on the spot but it made no difference, the black becoming whirling black that looked identical to stationary black. He regretted not waking Amy and Rory, that might have been able to do something, unlikely, but at least he wouldn't be alone. He was adrift in a sea of shadows, struggling to stay afloat; he probably couldn't even find his way back to the TARDIS by now. The sonic screwdriver smashed against his palm as he lashed out in annoyance, the scanner still blank.

"Come on!" He growled as if he could materialise River in front of him through pure will power alone. "Just come on! She's here!"

He tried to imagine in his mind's eye his route from the TARDIS so far, he had walked in a straight line for many minutes whilst he'd been talking to River, he'd not hit anything at all. That meant he cannot of changed direction, River said they were in tunnels so to change direction he would have to encounter a corner and walls. Walls. He jumped out, spreading his body widely in a star shape position. He felt nothing but the whoosh of air caused by his own movements. So very wide tunnels then. After reaching up he concluded they were very tall tunnels as well.

Vey tall, wide and long tunnels. That or he was in a completely different place to River.

Bloody great.

In the middle of his unspoken musings he realised River had been quiet for many moments.

"River, you need to stop the bleeding okay? You need to get something to tie around the wound."

"I... I think... it's a bit late... late for that... sweetie..."

"No! No, don't you dare give up! You are not going to die today." You can't die to today, he thought afterwards. Surely he would not have to witness her death twice; even he had not done anything so awful to deserve that, surely.

"I want... I want to tell you something."

"Yeah, yeah what do you want to tell me? I'm all ears." He tried to encourage her.

"I can't... sp... spoilers..."

"Spoilers? Screw spoilers. They're my stupid rules and I declare them void for today and today only." She didn't respond. "Ah come on, I'll forget anything you tell me, I promise."

"I don't want to die a stranger to you." She sobbed quietly.

The doctor felt the familiar lump rise in his throat, the python was back and he was squeezing the life out of the doctor's vocal chords.

"Ahh..." The noise was totally involuntary as a strangled cry escaped his lips. He cried for this woman, dying alone somewhere here on the cold brick floor, for the woman who had already died once before or had yet to die a complete stranger to him, a woman he had a whole future with but it was her past. "You're not... you're not a stranger to me." He tried to hide the tears drowning his voice. "You're Melody Pond, I know who you are, we've done Demon's Run."

"No..." She moaned in pain and exhaustion. "No... No you don't get it yet."

"So what am I missing? Tell me, please."

"Women's intuition."

"What?" He asked genuinely puzzled at her cryptic answer.

"That's what you're missing... Amy... _Mum_..." Her voice broke at the last word. "She got it the first... the first time... she saw us together..."

"What did she get?"

"I'm your... wife."

The doctor sunk to his knees. He knew she was going to say that, at least he strongly suspected it and had done for a while. She was the only one he could ever imagine being his wife, the only one who could. She was his only equal, part time lord and the only person more reckless and prone to trouble than he was.

She was stunning and she was his wife.

Suddenly the screwdriver interrupted the quiet; her voice was a little stronger than before.

"You don't believe me." River didn't sound accusing or even sad, it was emotionless, cold.

"Yes I do." He replied quickly, his voice contrastingly full of emotion. "I know it's true."

"You... know... you've been there... seen it?"

"No but I feel it. I've felt it from the moment I met you; even when I didn't understand it I felt it and that terrified me. I feel it now more than ever." He paused, but only for a nanosecond before continuing. "I love you."

He shook with the revelation of it.

It was beautiful but it was horrible and wrong, he shouldn't be telling her through a screwdriver, through blood, sweat and tears.

"River..." He breathed name as if it were oxygen.

"I... I can hear footsteps." River's voice encapsulating a whole new energy. "Someone's coming, is that you?.. You've found me!"

The dull heartache was replaced by sharp terror. Unadulterated terror.

"River I'm not moving. That's not me."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: **Firstly thank you for all of the amazing reviews! Honestly makes my day! Chapter two as promised – note the rating has gone up! To be honest I'm not sure if this is necessary as nothing is explicit and not even actually stated but quite heavily implied so warning adult themes!

The next chapter will be happier – I think.

Please R+R

**You Were in the Darkness Too, So I Stayed in the Darkness with You**

**Chapter Two**

The doctor's two hearts beat frantically in his chest; his rib cage struggled to contain them. Adrenaline increased the pace of his walking yet still nothing but cruel blackness engulfed him.

They'd found her. God, they'd found her.

"River? River can you hear me?" He spoke softly into the screwdriver not wanting _them _to hear him. If he found, no – when he found her he would need the element of surprise.

River has been silent since her breathy revelation: _'Is that you?... You've found me'_. He hadn't found her; he'd abandoned her to her fate. The silence was more terrifying than any noise could ever have been. The idea that whatever this monster, this sick mutation of living being, was, the idea that it had ended her, killed her. He was finally beginning to understand who she was to him, she was everything.

She was everything and she was gone.

The doctor mentally slapped himself. He could not think like this. He had begged her not to give up and he was doing exactly that. Each step he took was a step closer to her and sooner or later the scanner would have to pick up something. He would walk the entire maze of tunnels, the entire length of the universe to find her. Only he had no idea that each step was bringing him closer, it could be taking him further away, foot by foot, leaving her more alone.

No, he had no knowledge that he was getting any closer but he had hope. And the doctor clung to this with every ounce of his existence, every fibre of his being. Desperation and hope. It was a deadly mix and if he found what had done this to her they would feel the full force of it.

He absentmindedly wiped the moisture from his cheeks.

"I don't know if you can hear me," He whispered. "But I am coming to get you. So just hold on, okay, just wait for me a little longer."

And so he continued on, almost running now, breathless and teary and still no answer from River Song.

After what felt like an eternity of nothingness the screwdriver suddenly burst into life. It did not actually burst but more crackle weakly however compared to the stark silence beforehand it might as well jumped out of the doctor's hand as for the surprise it gave him.

"Thank... thank you." River whispered.

"River?"

"He stopped the bleeding... I... I feel... better... I want to sleep."

"No no, come on now, you can't do that. I need you to be awake to witness my clever thing when I think of it and save you. Who stopped the bleeding? Who's there? Let me talk to them, River."

He was wrong. There was a sound more terrifying than the silence and it was River's scream. A scream of shock, agony and indescribable fear. He was rooted to the spot in trepidation as the acid tears stung his eyelids and blurred his vision.

He thought back to every unthinkable act he had committed, all of the wrongs he never righted. If this was punishment he deserved it, but why were hurting her? It was his punishment; it should be him shivering in the cold as the life drained from his tired body. He would welcome it. He would take all the fire and hatred and death in all of the worlds and welcome it gladly if he could stop this.

"River?.." There was no response. He hadn't expected one, she was gone. "I'm sorry... I'm so, so sorry..." He cried into the screwdriver, cried to nobody.

They'd killed her. Those twisted bastards had stopped the bleeding and then killed her anyway.

He prayed he would find them, whoever, whatever had done this, he was going to find them and end their reality. What was one more murderous act, only this time, for the first time, it would be deliberate. He wanted to look into its face as the sorry excuse for a life faded from it. He would avenge her.

"I don't know who you are but I am the Doctor." Each word dripped with fury and distain. "I'm the doctor of all of time and space, feared by every rodent trying to suck the life out of this pure, precious universe and I'd say you're one of the biggest on that list. That means you should be very, very scared. Wherever you go, wherever you hide, I will find you. I'm the doctor and I'm coming for you."

The screwdriver did respond but any or all expectations he could have had was nothing to prepare him for the answer.

"No... no... please... please don't..."

River. For a split second he thought he was hallucinating the sound of her, dreaming she was back but if he was dreaming her pleading voice was a nightmare. Doctor River Song never begged anybody for anything, she was too proud for that, too strong for that. But she was begging now and begging for her life.

"River!" He gasped as if all the oxygen had been forced from his body. "River, oh god, thank god! I thought... are you there? Are you okay?"

"Please! Please, no! Please..." The terror in her voice was soul-destroying; he'd never heard anybody sound so fraught and scared. "Why?.. Why are you... please, don't..."

"What's going on? What are they doing? You have to fight them!"

He wasn't even sure she could hear him anymore but he could hear her and she needed him now more than ever. She had said that he always came when she called, she was calling, screaming for him but couldn't come, he couldn't find her.

Rule one: the doctor lies. She wasn't going to be okay and he doubted he'd ever be okay again either. Amy and Rory sleeping in the TARDIS completely unaware of the torture their daughter was enduring. How would tell them he listened to her die, witnessed it for the second time and both times could only watch or hear. Would he even find his way back to them, bring her abused body in his arms. They'd never be able to look at him again. And rightly so. The doctor lies. The doctor fails those he loves.

"It's you..." River whispered. The doctor held the screwdriver to his ear to hear her. "It's always been you... ever since you were in that cornfield in that stupid bowtie... I was supposed to kill you but I couldn't... I... you knew everything about me... you fell out of the sky and made everything... everything alright and exciting and... I've spent my whole life looking for you... waiting... wait... waiting for you to come back each time... I'm glad I'm with you now... not with you..."

"Yes you are, I'm right here, I'm going to find you."

"No you're not... I need you to go now... I need you... I need you to stop... listening now."

"No! River I'm coming to get you okay, just hold on."

"Stop listening... please, it's the last thing I'll ever ask you to do."

She was saying goodbye. Whatever _it _was about to do to her she'd resigned herself to it and was actually thinking of him. In her last moments of hell she wanted to save him the pain of listening. This brilliantly selfless woman, how on all of the planets, had he tricked her into loving him, into convincing her that he was worth it?

River couldn't regenerate, he'd done Berlin, and she'd no regenerations left. Sacrificed that for him too, along with so much else. Another person he'd screwed up. He'd never learn.

"I can't let you die completely alone down here."

"I'm... I'm not alone sweetie... and need you to stop listening now... prom... promise me?"

The last thing she'd ever ask him to do, after she'd done so much for him. She'd given him her life, literally, her regenerations, her immortality. The doctor silently convinced himself he could do it, he could turn off the screwdriver, although it would be the single hardest action of his elongated life, he could do it for her. Be brave enough for both of them.

"I promise." He whispered.

"Liar."

For that one word, those two syllables, for four letters she was _his _River again: smart, insatiable, dangerous, mysterious and sexy as hell, his wife. Just for a moment in time.

They moaned in unison; River and the monster, although the sounds couldn't have been more different – hers of torment and anguish– his of greed and filthy desire. A very human monster. The most personal form of torture.

The rage exploded against the doctor's temples and filtered through every nerve ending in his body at the speed of light. Another new for the doctor tonight, each time he reached another level of hatred he was convinced that he didn't have the capacity to feel anymore repugnance. So far, each time, he'd been proved wrong. The screwdriver was thrown widely in an instance of unthinking misery, it collided with a wall and the echo resounded a million times inside the doctor's head, each ricochet accentuated as he plunged his forehead into his open hands.

As the repeating sounds finally came to end so too came a new side to this anguish; the revelation that he now wished her dead. Better dead than what was happening. His muscles literally sagged with the effort and he pulled his back his head and cried into the darkness, like a demented dog howling to the moon.

"Ahh! Come on!" He roared, kicking and grabbling with the un-resistant air.

The screwdriver, shit – he'd thrown the screwdriver. Well at least he was following her wishes; he couldn't hear her at all. Gone forever. The sonic device had bounced off of the wall and clattered away into the deathly gloom.

"Wall!" He suddenly bellowed around the echoing dungeon. "It hit a wall! I've found an elusive bloody wall! "

He began walking forward, in the direction he believed he threw the screwdriver, waving his arms in all around trying to find anything other than cold, empty surroundings. Now his only light was gone and it was pitch black but he continued none the less.

Soon he reached the desired destination, his fingers on his left hand rammed into the wall with such ferocity they bent back on themselves, his nails sliced the back on his hand. He yelped in pain, briefly, before it was forgotten. The wall was ice cold to the touch and he could make out the indents of the joining around the bricks, it smelt cold and fusty but it was progress. The time traveller laid himself flat against the wall and began shuffling slowly to the right – suddenly there was strong resistance against fingers, he'd found the other wall. It was a corner, a left hand corner.

He turned left and strode forward, quicker. He still believed that the TARDIS sent him here for a reason; she couldn't have been that far away. Perhaps she was just around this corner, though without the screwdriver now he would not know until he was on top of them.

_Them_. She wasn't alone. The bile rose in his throat again at the thought, bitter at the back of his tongue making his mouth clammy and dry but somehow he managed to shake it away. Focus. He was gaining on them.

He heard it before he felt it. The sickening crunch of bone on brick, his nose against the wall. He'd strode head first into it and fell down at once. Blood gushed from his nose and lips, filling his mouth with the metallic, salty taste of defeat. Then he felt it. His nose was exploding into a thousand pieces, bit by bit. He saw stars in his blurred vision.

There shouldn't be a wall there! It was a left hand turn, he'd turned left! The TARDIS had led him to a dead end and now he would never find her alive or not.

His head rested against the wall behind him, he did nothing to try and stop the bleeding. The doctor supposed he should probably hurt more than it did; the pain was sort of an aching annoyance more than agony. His face evidently was becoming as numb as hearts. Amy and Rory would almost definitely be up by now, probably banging the hell out of the TARDIS door, poor girl. It wouldn't open for them and after a day or two the security procedures would set in and take them home leaving him down here alone. The thought was not even unpleasant. He could sit here and think and wait to die. With the freezing conditions and the amount of blood he was losing it should be quicker than your average dehydration and starvation death. The bliss of nothingness may only be a few hours away.

/ / /

The doctor raised his head, he had no idea how much time had passed but the bleeding had stopped and was already crusting around his features. He didn't even recall if he had dropped off or had just been staring into the blankness.

There were no signs of dehydration yet and he didn't feel like he was dying at all. That was just typical, all the times he had chased off death with all of his might it had seemed like such a fierce and strong enemy, now when he welcomed and surrendered fully it was nowhere to be seen. Death itself had abandoned him.

He stretched out his legs and arms in front of him, the muscles tingling, suddenly being called upon after such a long time of rest. He saw something in the corner of his eye, he stretched once more and saw it again – it was his shadow. He jumped into the air with unexpected adrenaline – how could he have a shadow when there was no light? He turned and there, only a few feet away, shining painfully obviously, was the light from his sonic screwdriver. He raced over, almost falling over his feet that were still waking up.

"River? River are you still there? God, let you still be there?" No reply. His voice was thick and stifled from the blood at the back of his throat, he continued regardless: "I haven't been listening, I promise. Almost knocked myself out to avoid it. That's dedication, mmm? Even you must be impressed by that?"

He raked a hand through his hair, pulling out clumps with the might of his actions. He was too late. If he had just realised as soon as he'd hit that wall instead of sitting and mopping.

He almost dropped the screwdriver for the second time as yet again it surprised him by crackling into life.

"Why?.. Why can't I just die already?"

Relief surged through him like a giant wave descending on his entire being. She was alive. For god knows how long but she was alive.

He hugged the screwdriver to his ear as she sobbed in frustration; it was as if she standing next to him, he cried too and for a moment just stood there, in unison with his wife. It was a frustration he understood completely, only a few moments ago he had been wishing his own death as she was now.

Brought together by hell on earth. But she was alive and that thought was pure paradise.

The doctor brought the screwdriver down behind his back and tried to think. Her weeping continued, it didn't even get any quieter. He whipped his head round in realisation – he wasn't just hearing her through the screwdriver – he was actually hearing her.

The scanner beeped:

'_One new life form found.'_

'_Waiting for information on whereabouts.'_

"I'm coming River!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: **Once again thank you so much for all of the reviews! Sending a lot of virtual love to you all. So I may have lied, this chapter is not that much happier it will get there in the end. I've used some quotes from River's voice over in 'The Forest of the Dead' because I think it's beautiful.

Please R+R

**You Were in the Darkness Too, So I Stayed in the Darkness with You**

**Chapter Three**

The skin on his fingers grew red raw and blood formed under the nails as the doctor desperately clawed at the wall in front of him. The scanner had picked up River's location, apparently only a few metres away from his own and it was programming the quickest route to her. The first step – through this brick wall.

"I'm the doctor not the bloody incredible Hulk. Jesus!" He slapped his flat palms against the impossible barrier until they were ringing and stinging. "Right, come on. Focus." He berated himself. "There must be a way in."

The doctor took a few steps back so he could look at the wall in its entirety. The light from the screwdriver only illuminated a brick and half at a time so he started from the bottom left hand corner and moved painfully slowly along the bottom layer of bricks. He would study every brick in this entire place if he had too. Each rectangle object looked identical to the previous one, the perfect confinement. With each second he did not find the answer he grabbled with the onslaught of anxiety and guilt. He couldn't help but picture her, lying only a few feet behind this wall, god only knows what state she would be in. That thing, that vermin had hurt in the cruellest way, _his _River. All of this swirled in his mind as he reached the last brick of the bottom row and moved up now going from right to left, one by one.

He switched back to the last brick again and saw it. He laughed aloud, he couldn't help it. The very last brick of the very last row. Seriously? It was pushed in barely a centimetre, barely indented at all but slightly cushioned into the sides of the slaps surrounding it.

Crouching down he pushed the brick even further in with his bruised fingers, ignoring the sharp pain as it climbed its way up his hand and arm. The block was stubborn but gradually it began to move even further backwards, millimetre at a time and it was protesting every tiny step of the way but by willpower alone the doctor was winning. At last it clicked into place and would move no more.

The sound was deafening as it attacked the silence and continued to grow with every reverberation as it collided with dozens of indiscernible walls. The screeching sounded like the death of a thousand birds or a hundred nails raked across blameless black boards. The doctor fell back and fought the urge to cover his ears. As he lay cowering on the ground he could just make out the solid wall to his right heave itself up into the ceiling to reveal the murky passageway behind.

"A secret doorway." He stated bewildered. "Naturally."

"Doctor?.." River whispered and he ignored the fact that she was sounding so much weaker each time she spoke.

"Yep, sorry, that was definitely me, on my way though, making progress!" He tried to sound cheery and optimistic, even to his own ears it was not convincing.

The scanner produced a red line from the first dot, the doctor, to the second, River. Down the new passageway and left and she was there. Finally he was going to reach her; he sent a silent pray to anybody up there that he had stopped believing in a long time ago. He let real hope set in, she wasn't going to die today – he was going to rescue her and she was going to live the rest of her brilliant life until she had to go that library. He couldn't stop that. _Everybody knows that everybody dies. _That's what she'd said, and yes he did know that she was going to die, _and nobody knows it like the doctor, _he did know, he had seen it. He couldn't stop her dying but he was damn sure going to stop her dying today. _But all of the skies in all the worlds might just turn dark if he ever accepts it. _He would not accept it.

The doctor sprinted the length of the corridor and turned left.

"Hey, no wall this time, brilliant!" He stepped forward and stopped abruptly. "Ah, didn't see that bit."

The open space in front of him became enclosed to a small circle in the middle of the wall, just tall enough to kneel. He'd never been a fan of small spaces, he travelled all of time and space – as suggested the one thing it had was space, almost endless amounts of it, whole planets and worlds to run around in under infinite skies. He looked down at the scanner; she was so close now, their dots practically touching.

"Don't... don't be such a... a baby." River breathed. "It's a... tunnel..."

"How did you..." He stopped, River Song knew everything – when would he learn that? "I wasn't being a... I was... Whatever! Hold on, I'm coming."

He climbed up into the tunnel and began crawling one armed using the other to hold the screwdriver in front of him as a beacon. The already thinning material of his trousers were no protection whatsoever and his knees grated along the gravel with each movement.

He heard her before he saw her, short and quick ragged breaths hummed in the air around him, electric pulses in his ears and he was the magnet being drawn to them. When he did finally see her he froze, he'd never experienced such juxtaposing feelings: overriding ecstasy and unimaginable horror.

She was sitting slightly in the curve of the cylinder tube, there was blood everywhere: pooling around her, on her stomach, chest, hands, face and most distressingly a small trail that originated in between her legs as her knees huddled in to her frantic chest. The sticky substance tainted every inch of perfect skin, blemishing its flawlessness. Her upper body rose and fell so rapidly it resembled a children's cartoon, he could almost see her heart move as it stubbornly battled with the idea that each beat was its last.

River's hair was pulled up off of her face and neck to reveal two bloody hand prints either side of her throat and newly gained bruises already forming. Her tank top was hitched up just below her bust and the side of stomach closest to the doctor was tapped firmly in white bandage although oozing, deep red liquid could still be seen underneath. The communicator was clutched in her left hand with every ounce of her remaining strength. Her combat trousers and underwear were brutally pooled at her ankles. She had no shoes on.

The doctor kneeled there and silently sobbed. He thought he had no more tears left tonight but evidently he was wrong.

The doctor lies. The doctor lets down the ones he loves.

River turned to him suddenly as if she was only just aware of his presence despite the light from the screwdriver that had been shining on her for many moments. She tried to smile but barely had the energy to twitch the corners of her mouth.

"Took... your bloody time."

He closed the space between them and reached for her face cupping it in his shaky hands.

"River," He breathed. She flinched at the contact but her eyes pleaded with him not draw away. He didn't. Instead he leant his forehand against hers gently as she laced her equally trembling fingers into his. "I'm sorry, god I'm sorry. I... I..." He closed his eyes and just enjoyed the feel of her beneath the fleshy pads of his skin. She was almost as cold as the walls. Kissing her forehead in an act of tender remorse he leant away. "You're freezing, need to get you warmed up. And..." His line of vision traced the length of her body. "God, the blood..."

"It's just the stomach... the rest is... subsequent... mess."

"Yeah it's a mess." He agreed quietly.

The doctor checked the sonic screwdriver; it read two life forms. Whatever had done this was long gone. Or the screwdriver agreed with him and that vermin was not worth recognition as a life form.

"Are we... alone?" He asked unsure of what to say. She couldn't meet his eye and instead replied to his bowtie:

"Yes."

"Good." And he meant it. If that _thing _had have been here he would have killed it with his bare hands. "I'm going to help you get dressed and then we're going to get out of here, back to the TARDIS okay?"

"Okay."

He reached down the lacy kickers and brushed his thumb under the side sweeping her ankle bone, the skin around it erupted into a thousand tiny goose bumps and the sensation made her shiver and whimper in fright. He withdrew his hand immediately and cursed himself for his carelessness. The last thing he wanted to do was to cause her more pain. Of course she didn't want anybody else touching her. After that level of violation every touch must feel inconceivably abusive.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I... do you want to?"

"I can't..." She cried. She could hardly lift her head. "You have too... I need you..."

"It's okay." He repeated the action and she repeated the involuntary response, he gritted his teeth and continued, securing the other side of garment in his hand. "It's okay, it's just me. Your husband, apparently." He tried to joke as he guided the undergarment up her legs. "How many times will I do this in my future, your past. I hope this isn't the only time." He stopped as he reached the top of her thigh.

She looked at him and through all of the levels of pain there was love in her gaze. She loved him. Despite everything that was happening his insides churned with excitement, danced with the thought of it.

"I love you." He voiced what they were both thinking and she nodded her concurrence. "The trousers now." He followed the same pattern and although she still flinched and tensed the entire time the effect got gradually more subtle. He gripped both pieces of clothing together. "I need you to lift your hips." With a loud moan of pain she did as he asked and he slipped them over her womanly figure and secured them loosely just below the bandage. "Good." He shrugged out of his tweed jacket and sucked in breath, whistling as the cold air seeped into his newly vulnerable body. "You need to get warm so I'm going to put you in this." She nodded. Gingerly he slipped one arm in and tried to pull it round her body but the blood and cold sweat fused her skin to the material and he couldn't move it. Without thinking he threw a leg over her and hovered up her, almost straddling her to get a better angle on the jacket. Her eyes grew wide in shock and fear. The fresh memories it brought cascading back was unbearable.

"No!" She screamed and lashed out instinctively kicking and hitting him.

"Jesus! I'm sorry..." He made to get off of her but she grabbed his braces and forced him to stay.

As quickly as the outburst had started it had stopped. Her eyes were still big and round, childlike in terror but they also held a steely determination that the doctor did not understand. River tried to arch her back to get closer to him but collapsed almost instantly, he leant down trying to fulfil her unspoken wishes.

"I'm sorry," She whispered against his lips and his face contorted into confusion.

"Wha?.." She cut him off by placing her lips against his, so softly he could barely tell if they were there or not. "I love you." He repeated.

"You've... said that already... sweetie."

"Well I thought you might like to hear it again. Besides it's new to me and I quite like saying it."

River half laughed, half coughed her response:

"Always about you."

He got off of her and pulled her into the jacket, running his hands up and down her arms in a futile attempt to warm her.

"Right we need to get back to the TARDIS... somehow. When we get close enough the scanner should pick up Amy and Rory and we can follow it there."

"My..." She pointed off into the darkness to right of them. The doctor reached for the screwdriver and shone it into the infinite shadows. The small square piece of Technology River always carried with her was lying a few feet away.

"Still using those modern, tacky devices I see."

"Well... it can... find the TARDIS from here, so... beats... beats your stupid... screwdriver." The recent activities had taken its toll on her energy and now each word was a bitter struggle.

"Do not insult the screwdriver." He said with a mock pout. "I'm just going to get it, I'll be right back."

He crawled away with the screwdriver and left her in darkness once more. The sooner he got back to the TARDIS the better; she fading fast now, the bandage was not stopping nearly enough of the bleeding. They needed the Sister of Infinite Schism, if he got her there everything would okay. He wouldn't leave her sleeping this time, screw their timey-wimey, wibbly-wobbly shit, they would be linear. Just for a little while, whilst she got better. He didn't care; he'd tear a dozen holes in the universe for just a week where they could be normal.

River Song the ultimate companion. His true companion. His wife.

Her device locked in on the TARDIS almost instantaneously and he turned to crawl back to her. That's when he heard it. The faint beep of his screwdriver. The scanner flashing red.

'_One new life form found.'_

'_Waiting for information on whereabouts.'_

It was him. The monster, the rodent, the vermin, the thing.

The red dot sparked into life and he stared so intently his gaze alone almost smited the dot down. River sought out his face in the obscurity as the flashing light illuminated his features, she looked confused until she saw the blink of the scanner and understood at once.

"Doctor... no..."

The dot hurried away from them, each second it was getting further and further away. He knew he should stay here, get back to the TARDIS now but he was frozen with indecision. It was all he could see; him on top of her, touching her, moaning. He gagged and grabbed the side of the tunnel as faintness washed over him.

He couldn't just let him get away. The doctor lets down the ones he loves. But she wasn't just one of the ones he loved. She was _the _one and he had hurt her, left her for dead. Unlike the unknown perpetrator the doctor would not be unsuccessful; his prey would not escape with a shred of life left.

"I'm sorry. I have to." He turned and scurried away, lost to gloom.

"Doctor!" River screamed.

Then the rest of her senses joined her vision and sunk into darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: **Just a warning for this one that there is quite a bit of violence. I don't really see the doctor as a violent person but I struggle so see how anybody couldn't be in this situation, especially as he is fiercely protective of his loved ones. So anyway angry doctor in this chap so once again if it isn't your thing don't read!

I think there's one possible two chapters left after this. Again thank you for all of your support!

Please R+R

**You Were in the Darkness Too, So I Stayed in the Darkness with You**

**Chapter Four**

The man didn't look evil; in fact he looked overly human. Big brown bushy hair and beard as if it were one of those overgrown gardens of an abandoned house, left to grown wild, tainted with madness from the constant isolation. He had small, quivering eyes and a protruding nose, lips unseen under their curly mask. Tiny droplets of sweat covered his entire face and raced each other down the plains of his face.

He looked human, a very scared, innocent soul. But he wasn't. The doctor reminded himself. No true human being can do that to another. There was no excuse, no sob story in the entire universe harrowing enough to justify certain actions. Evil is evil. The wicked are inherently wicked. How many examples of those creatures had he come across, things which sole purpose is destroy. He would never understand it but he knew it to be true. Some things just cannot be turned good.

The room was illuminated with half as dozen lights that buzzed manically and constantly, the doctor squinted as he entered it, his pupils dilated from the darkness he had grown accustom, they now shrivelled within themselves to protect from the painful new attack of brightness.

The doctor had his screwdriver raised as a weapon pointing at the quivering life form before him, he obvious did not realise the sonic device was not something that could blast him away in an instant. The doctor wished it was.

"What are you?" He demanded, his voice surprisingly strong and even as his insides were anything but.

"I am the guard." The man answered in a monotone, robotic voice. A speech very well rehearsed. "The tunnels must be guarded at all times; their secret can leave this place. All intruders must be dealt with and eradicated." His face now relaxed and also took on a robotic persona.

"Is that what you did to River? That woman you shot and raped and left for dead! Was that all part of this eradication process?" The doctor shouted, his voice echoing around the desolated underground tomb. He emphasised each syllable, almost spitting them at the man.

Adrenaline coursed through his veins and both hearts beat furiously against his rib cage, in a race with each other to an unreachable finish line, in sync with the other beat by beat and each furious they were not ahead. His chest felt on fire and one or both hearts may explode at any moment. The energy caused him to visibly shake and repeatedly tap his right foot against the ground as if he were beating in time to jazz music.

"All intruders must be dealt with and eradicated." The man stated once more. "They must be also be punished."

"You did that to punish her?" The doctor whispered in unbelief. "Why didn't you just kill her? Isn't that punishment enough?"

Thank god he didn't kill her, he thought almost immediately afterwards but then doubted it as soon as he'd thought it. That the most disturbing thing in all of this. He didn't know if he wished her dead or not. At peace, finally but no longer with him or rescue-able but in unbearable torment. He supposed it didn't matter much now anyway, she would probably be dead by time he returned. The doctor had left her bleeding out on a tunnel floor to die along – scared, angry and in a stupid tweed jacket. That was his contribution – at least she wouldn't be as cold as she fell in to terrifying, un-waking consciousness. He'd left her and why? To point a screwdriver at her tormentor and say angry words.

Yes that was the choice, alive and scared or dead and peaceful, each of their weaknesses was the other's strength, ying and yang – the perfect circle. That's why he couldn't choose. Only now it didn't matter, he'd subjected her to both when he left. She would surely be gone by now. First alone and scared, then dead and nothing.

He had tortured her too. And that thought, that feeling that he was, in any way, similar to beast before him made the doctor shake with an entire new emotion: wrath.

"I am the guard." The man was repeating in his expressionless voice. He paused and then acted in the most un-mechanical way – he smirked. "I'm lonely."

The doctor didn't know what happened. One moment he was standing, a quivering, boiling mess the next he was knelt on the ground, a top the writhing beast beneath him. Blood poured from every orifice of the brute's face and the doctor's hands were ringing, also covered in bright red fluid, each knuckle cut, grazed or bruised. Blind fury.

The doctor crushed his upper abdomen with the entire weight of his body, squeezing down on the area that housed every precious, vital organ. He heard a few ribs break or crack and the unsullied agony etched across each line, pore and mark on the creature's face. His slippery fingers found the man's thick neck and clasped down as hard as Venus fly trap as he whispered manically:

"This is what you did to her isn't it?"

The man tried to swing his arms up at the doctor but the immense pain made him woozy and unable to aim, he futilely reached and pulled for any part of his attacker. He successfully reopened the doctor's recently healed nose and now the doctor's own blood ran down his face and joined in an indefinable mix with both his enemy's and his wife's.

"I've seen the mark of your fat fingers on her neck!" His own blood filled the doctor's mouth and as he spoke it drooled from his lips, running into the beast's eyes until he blinked feverishly, still wheezing from lack of oxygen. "Is that how you held her down as you... violated her? You raped my wife."

The doctor thought he saw a second of realisation in the man's eyes, now rimmed red with the doctor's blood. Realisation but no regret, no remorse could be seen there.

"No... n... plea..." He choked on his own words.

"Yeah, that's right she begged you too didn't she? Just like that. Begged you to stop but did you listen? Should I listen to you?"

The doctor pressed down even harder and the man made the most distressing noise; a squelch or squirm as the life was literally squeezed out of him.

That's when the time lord heard it. So ridiculously quiet that rationally he would not have been able to detect over the hum of the lights but he knew he heard it. Just one word, it was sweeter than any chocolate, richer than any of that horrible wine earthlings seemed to love so much and more euphoric than anything he had ever experienced.

"Sweeite..."

He glanced over to the forgotten screwdriver a few feet away. It was silent and blank. It wasn't her. Just his imagination trying to cling to the air from which she had evaporated.

In the couple of seconds where he let go of the monster he managed to throw the doctor off of him, kneeing him in the groin as he did so and fled from the room. The doctor moved about on floor in pain. His hands were covered in blood and his shirt looked like it had gone through a shredder, each gaping hole revealed murky bruises and fresh cuts. The creature's aim had not been as bad as the doctor supposed, he must have received a dozen or so blows but didn't remembering feeling a single one of them.

River's device showed the red dot moving quickly away from his position; he wouldn't go after him, what was the point? River was dead. He'd left her to die alone. He crawled to the screwdriver and cradled it in his hands, adopting the foetal position. He was crying again now, although to be honest he wasn't sure if he'd ever stopped, it was quite possible that for the entire attack he'd been sobbing as well as bleeding over the man.

He whispered into the speaker, even though he knew it was pointless, she couldn't hear him but he spoke to her anyway.

"River. River. River." He repeated her name like a mantra, like fine relief or an oasis he was swimming in. "Why did you stop me. I know I heard you... your my conscience. But why didn't you let me kill him. River. River." There was no question in his voice, he wasn't asking because she wasn't there. "Did you not me to become a killer. To spare me from that. But I already am. I killed you, didn't I, I've been killing you since the moment you first saw me and I finished it, I finished it in Library and I finished it today. In the future, in your past, that man that you kill, I hope it is me. I hope you kill me and I hope you enjoy it. But if it is me, or was me or is going to be me; then you're wrong River. Sweetie. It wasn't a good man you killed. Not even close."

/ / /

After some time he rose and left the lit room in the endless shadows yet again. Every step he took thudded around the walls, surrounding him in constant sound, background noise never rising or falling in volume or pitch. Boom. Boom. Boom. On and on taking him to the inevitable.

He'd take her back to the TARDIS even though he knew the pain that it would cause Amy and Rory, but he couldn't leave her there. In the Library there had been no body to bury but there was now and he would bury it in the grandest of both human and time lord traditions. He'd sit and think about somewhere she'd like to spend eternity and bury her there, somewhere he could go and visit, go to talk to her. He'd seen her in the future he supposed, there was still a whole life time to be lived, he'd still had yet to marry her. She'd still yet to kill him. A whole life time with her. All the while knowing what she was coming to, and yes he'd already been doing that hadn't he. Every time he'd ever seen, except the first, he'd know she was going to her death in the library. Only she wasn't. That had been rewritten. Now when he saw her he'd know she was coming here to something so much worse. Did it make a difference? Death is death, no disparity at the end of the day, only that wasn't true – there was so much difference.

Out in an instance, almost too quick for any pain, out in a blaze of glory and self-sacrifice and redemption for others - against _this_. Out in agony.

As he approached her she lay motionless, her head facing away from him and her legs, having lost all tension, sprawled beside her. Still. She remained warm under his touch as he ran a finger down her cheek smearing her with yet more blood, it didn't make a difference, her skin was red not the peachy beige glow it should have been. The doctor picked her up gently and she hung limp in his arms. He crawled his way to the bigger tunnel then walked. His gaze fixed forward the entire time unable to look down at her sleeping-like face but instead focusing on the tiny bit of passage shown by the light of the screwdriver.

As the TARDIS came into view he stopped.

"Here we are." He breathed still staring ahead. "Told you I'd get you here. Home." He swallowed, trying to prepare himself for the onslaught. Nothing could prepare him. He was presenting their dead child. "It's probably going to get a bit... bit emotional so you know try and keep it together." He told her. "Bet your rolling your eyes at me, wherever you are. Telling a dead person to keep it together, finally gone... loopy. Your mad doctor. " At last he chanced a glance down at her angelic form, she did look exactly like she was sleeping. Thankfully the unrest or pain he imagined on her face was not evident but instead she looked calm, undisturbed. "Because I was yours River, am yours. Always." He kissed her lightly on the forehead slightly surprised by how warm she still was but shrugged off the feeling without a second thought as he clicked the TARDIS open and stepped inside.

"Where the hell have you bee..." Amy stopped mid-sentence as soon as she saw the doctor. "Oh my god!" Is that..."

"That's River." Rory finished as he rushed over to them. He cautiously passed River over to Rory, although the last thing he wanted to do was to stop touching her but he had had his time. He was giving the father back his little girl.

"Doctor your face, your hands!" Amy exclaimed, intrigued but mostly petrified at what she saw. "What happened? Where are we?"

"Ohh..." Rory moaned as he sunk to floor, River Song still flaccid in his arms. Amy's expression changed and her eyes filled with tears:

"Is she...?"

"Yes." The doctor answered barely louder enough for even him to hear. "She's dead."

Amy stared blankly at the doctor as if he mind could not physically comprehend the information. She looked strangely casual as if he'd told her a good TV show had been cancelled, but it wasn't that she was indifferent, that could not be further from the truth. Such was the turmoil happening inside her heart and soul that her body didn't bother with unnecessary functions for a moment. Then it hit her. Her face crumpled in on itself and she wailed, uninhibited and primitive. Maternal sorrow.

"Noooo!" She swooned with the effort of it, swaying into the railings and then onto the floor.

"No." Rory repeated but after a moment the doctor realised that it was not said in the same tone. He sounded hopeful. "No, doctor she's not dead. There's a heartbeat..." He pressed his fingers into her neck. "Ridiculously weak but it's there."

The doctor stood frozen still, shell shocked. She was dead. Rory couldn't be right – he had left her to die, carried her dead body back and kissed her dead face. She was gone. It was cruel, saying she was back, she was not back.

"Doctor...?" Rory continued. Amy sprung into life, reaching the doctor and shaking him ferociously.

"The hospital, that hospital... infinite schism, we need to get to the hospital!" She yelled.

If there was one person that could do it, one person that would have the guts, the gall to look death so plainly in the face and laugh it away, to fight against every single obstacle just through pure willpower, just to prove a point it was River Song. He had thought her dead, declared her dead she couldn't have that, couldn't have him be right. That bloody brilliant woman.

He remembered the words he'd spoken to her barely an hour ago although it already felt like another life. _"You are not going to die today."_ That's what he'd told her. And she'd listened; for once she had actually listened to him.

The doctor jumped forward with an energy he believed he would never feel again and began bashing the controls and buttons frantically.

"Come on baby... the child of TARDIS, your child, she needs you now. I need you now."He was thrown forward as the TARDIS obeyed, whirling across time and space; he glanced over at River lying on the floor, being attended to by her parents. "Just hold on sweetie."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note:** Another huge thank you for all of the feedback! This is the last chapter and it's a bit cheesy but after all of the misery I thought they deserved it.

Please R+R

**You Were in the Darkness Too, So I Stayed in the Darkness with You**

**Chapter Five**

Amy entered the futuristic room, best hospital in the entire universe and they still hadn't figured the art of the waiting room. It was bland and cold and made everybody who entered feel a whole lot worse. Perhaps there was no secret to making them better, people who waited were waiting for a loved one; waiting for news – waiting for them to live, waiting for them die, waiting for a resolution that may never come. No nice decor or homely features could fix that. You could fill the room with an endless supply of what each person wanted most but it wouldn't work, the only thing they'd want is their loved one back and safe.

The doctor glanced round as the door opened, for once Amy looked all of her year, she looked like a mother. Most of the time she was too young, too free, too childlike somehow. Even after all the adventures, all of the horrors she had witnessed she still maintained an innocence. Today her face was drawn, dark circles painted under her usually vibrant eyes. She was a worried mother.

"Any news?" The doctor asked immediately.

"They've stitched her up and considering everything... she's looking good. Just needs to rest."

The doctor sighed and his shoulders literally lifted, the weight had been removed. He still couldn't believe he'd actually got her here, alive. Only River could pull that off. Only River.

"Doctor, are you going to tell me what happened now?" Amy moved to sit next to him on the white, sterile chairs. "We woke up locked in the TARDIS and you finally appear with River almost... you thought she was dead and your face, looked liked you'd wrestled an entire rugby team. I've never seen you like that, Doctor, it's scary."

"I told you I got a message on the physic paper and went running like always, I thought you'd appreciate the rest."

"But what happened down there? What did this?"

He stared blankly ahead of him, the recent memories flashing across his eyes as if he were watching them on a film; the sight of her lying there surrounded by her own blood, her crying in the silence, begging the invisible force, the feel of the monster beneath him, the taste of blood in his mouth, the horror in his gut. A single tear slipped down his cheek. Amy tentatively reached out to touch his shoulder; he jumped up and away at the contact.

"Just a man! Just one man!" He raised his voice and instantly regretted it. "And me... I screwed up Amy, I left her." The guilt hung on every word pulling them down, giving them a weight that made each sound an effort to pronounce, to push from his clammy tongue.

"What are you talking about?"

So he revealed it, the truth, the repulsion, the blackness of his soul lay bare for his dearest friend to see. He looked away, unable to take the disappointment and god knows what else in her eyes, even though he knew he deserved it, he turned away. Add coward to abandoner, to liar and to trickster.

"She'll never want to see me again. I left her to die."

However there was none of those things in Amy's eyes or if there were there they were overridden by one dominant emotion: confusion. She opened her mouth to ask a barrage of questions but was interrupted before a single letter escaped the prison of her lips.

Amy chased Rory down the corridor after his exclamation that River had awoken. The doctor followed slowly behind, dawdling from left to right, dragging each step so much that anymore and he would not have been moving at all. He was walking a very long plank. Each step was another closer to the edge. Her rightful rejection would be the sharp metallic blade of the sword digging into his back, pushing in to the depths, consumed by the blue ocean. He'd drown in her dismissal. The hurt in her gaze that he knew awaited him would consume him whole, hands on his shoulders pushing him under the water. He had rewritten time in the end. Even though she lived and would die in the library his past would not be the same, she would never be happy to see him again, never call on him again.

The doctor entered the room cautiously as if bullets were about to flung his way, with River Song one can never be sure. She was standing in a long white hospital gown, another staple that had not advanced with the technology. Rory and Amy supported her at each elbow as she made torturously slow progress across to the bathroom. The blood had been cleaned along with the remnants of her make-up, she was scrubbed clean and looked washed out, pale and ghostly almost as if she would turn completely transparent if you looked at her from a different angle. She was beautiful though. The way she fought each step with steely determination, nothing would beat her, not a single movement would be too much.

He spoke before he could stop it:

"You're up, should you be up? Should she be walking?" He addressed River first and then Rory and Amy.

River shrugged off her parents' aid and began to hobble over to him, barefoot on linoleum floor, he met her half way. A lump rising in his throat, clinging to the slippery surface of his throat as it climbed its way to the top and suddenly he couldn't think a single thing to say because really what was there to be said? What possible utterance could make a difference?

"Riv..." He began shakily.

The air ringed as her hand collided with his cheek; you could hear its sting vibrate in the surrounding air molecules. His cheek turned red almost instantly as the skin burnt and tingled and his stomach jumped at the contact. It was the most brutal touch but the feel of her skin was physical proof she was here and that feeling caused internal summersaults. Amy and Rory gasped simultaneously.

"I deserved that." He whispered.

"Yes you did." Her jaw stuck out defiantly but its gentle wobble and the moisture gathering rapidly behind her eyes gave the archaeologist away.

He was just recovering from surprise of it when her next move utterly flabbergasted him. Pulling his head down to hers she kissed him, both gentle and rough, it was soft but still had all of the fire that River always possessed. This time his response was instant, drawing one hand around her back and the other buried knuckles deep in her mass of blonde curls. If a touch was proof of her existence this was full blown verification and his body instinctively clung to it, clung to her, his tongue in her mouth, foreheads and nose bumping almost painfully but he wanted as much of her against as much of him as possible. Tangible, solid and glorious.

Her parents a few feet away, completely forgotten.

"We'll just give you two a minute..." Amy trailed off, grabbing her shell-shocked husband and departing before any fireworks were set off; passionate or angry and with those two quite likely to be both.

When they pulled apart, breathless, the doctor smiled into her cheek, kissing the slight dimple that sat there.

"What was that for?" She pushed him away with a surprising amount of energy, her face in contrast to his was anything but happy.

"That was goodbye." When he looked puzzled she continued. "Well I'm awake now, you've done your job. Isn't this when you fly away, bye- bye River time? "

"Actually I was going to stay for a bit."

She raised an eyebrow in sarcastic surprise.

"You mean until there's another bad guy you just can't help but chase." Bitterness laced her voice and wound around it like a weed chocking the flower replacing all purities with ailment. River turned and moved back to her bed, each step toppling like a bowling pin. He tried to help her but her muscles stiffened at the touch and there was the rejection that would drown him. Once she made it to the bed she continued; the shoulders holding him under the water. "The pacifist into the warrior, how exciting."

"River, please..." He naively started.

"Your jacket is over there." She indicated to the chair in the corner, his beloved tweet jacket flung carelessly over the back of it, the dark lining even darker now, stained with her blood. "Now get out."

/ / /

The doctor returned many hours later, the whole hospital seemed to be sleeping and he was the only one wandering the abandoned, haunted corridors. He didn't know why he was going back, he'd just be greeted with the same deserved and hateful spite but he had to see her. No-one had ever managed to make him feel the way Doctor Song does, he was so used to being the one in control, the one that his companions looked at with a mixture of awe and bewilderment and love. River looked at him knowingly. That scared him. He was the one in awe and most definitely in love. He didn't know how to play that role.

He knocked quietly on the door, no answer. She was probably asleep like the rest of this place; he could watch her without the abuse that way. Approaching the bed she laid facing away from him, curled into a ball, her face completely covered by her mane. As he reached the foot of the bed it quickly became apparent that his theory was incorrect, she was awake. Awake and crying. Sobbing, almost silently into her pillow that she clutched with both hands.

The sight made him instantly nauseas. The act was so out of character, the impact seemed to increase tenfold. It brought back memories of the library and the tidal wave of guilt and emotion that accompanied that and now it also brought back the memories of yesterday and the torture she endured because he couldn't find her.

She suddenly became aware of his presence though he had made to attempt to do alert her, she spun round to face him, her eyes red raw and her face homing a waterfall. For a brief second her eyes were filled with panic until she recognised her visitor. Then they became blank. He didn't know what was worst the hatred or the nothingness that now resided with the thought of him.

"I thought you'd gone?" She asked, the tears still streaming down the contours of her cheeks, her voice was weak and croaky.

"No," He paused. "I told you... I'm going to stay for a while this time." Her face did not change a bit, her tears were freefalling with no effort at all, simply as if someone had turned on a tap and was watching the water cascade down. "Do you... want some company?"

"Okay."

He made a move to the chair but she was shuffling over in the bed and pulling back the cover. He looked at her questioningly but did not say anything, from not wanting to even be touched by him to offering to share a bed in nothing but a couple of sentences wasn't bad going, he was not going argue. If he spoke she might remember that she still despised him. Slipping off his shoes he climbed in next her, as she turned into him he wrapped his arms around her top half careful not to go to low and disturb the newly stitched wound. The doctor buried his nose in her hair and kissed the scalp delicately, even with the strong disinfectant smell of the Hospital River's own natural, womanly scent powered through. On anyone else he would have thought it overwhelming. On her it was perfection. She was perfection.

He could feel the dampness gather on his thin shirt where her face rested, her voice muffled as she spoke into the material:

"You know me in the future; you've met me after this?"

The library. The bile rose again but he pushed it down.

"Yes."

"And am I okay?"

He lifted her chin so she met his eye and spoke with all of the sincerity he could muster, all of the genuine honesty he felt.

"More than okay. You're brilliant."

"But right now... I don't like I'm ever going to be okay again."

River sobbed into his chest and he held her there until his tears joined hers. After minutes or maybe even hours, when he felt so emotionally drained that he could fall asleep at any moment, when silence invaded the room, he spoke.

"I'm sorry. I know that's a broken record from me lately but I am so, truly sorry. I should've never have left you but I just couldn't let him go. What he did to you... I wanted to kill him, I almost did but in the end... I just couldn't."

"What stopped you?" She inquired huskily.

"You. I thought I heard you. _Sweetie._" He mocked. "You were already out of it so it can't have been you but I thought I heard it. Probably my conscience, my conscience is a trigger happy psychopath – that's worrying." She kicked him under the sheet. "Oww!" He laughed but then turned sombre. "I mean it, I'm not going. Screw the rules, screw time."

"Sweetie, you can't."

"I'm a selfish man. I'll rip countless holes in the universe if it means staying. If I go it'll rip holes in me. Even I have a limit to the amount of guilt I can take." She replied by running a hand over his bruised, swollen knuckles and placing a light kiss on each one. Afterwards he laced his fingers through hers, the pads of his digits running down her fourth finger. "Shouldn't you have a ring or something?"

"Never know which you I'm going to run in to. Don't want to freak you out." He kissed her temple. "I shouldn't have told you. Probably ripped a couple of holes in the universe myself."

"I'm glad you did, things make a lot of sense. I... I understand how I feel, how I will feel. You've turned me so human." He joked. "Is there ever a time when we're linear, together properly?"

"Spoi..." He cut her off by kissing her softly.

"I hate that word."

"It's your word."

"I don't care." He kissed her again. "I will always come when you call, whenever, wherever, one of me will always turn up. I promise."

Her dry eyes looked set to burst once more.

"You sound like my doctor." She whispered.

"I am. River I always have been, that's what scared me so much, I was yours when I didn't have a clue who you were and each time I see you I don't become more of your doctor I just understand more and more why I am, why I've always been yours."

"You're quite the talker."

He almost burst with joy as the flirtatious glint in her eye returned, dangerously small like an open flame in a hurricane but it was there and he would nurse that flame, that spark with all of his might. The return of his wife.

He knew then that she could overcome this, the aftermath. The strongest woman he ever knew but she would still need his help and he would be there. He would stay and they'd get better together.

"I love you Mrs Doctor."


End file.
